Category: Lessons

Bending Time

I’m on a “Mama roll”. I have spent more time with her lately, mostly because of the nature of the schedule with my siblings. It is a season that they are busy with their kids and grandkids. I will have my season soon, too.

May 12th was a tough day. Some are. But as May 12th also stated, I will try again tomorrow. And I did. And I did again the day after that.

Today was better. I’m not sure Mama was better, but I was. I tried to look at her today with the eyes of Jesus. I saw her confusion and her fear, that sometimes acts out in anger and orneriness. I saw her nonchalant answers and empty eyes, that in truth, reveal the hollowness that comes with losing one’s grasp on current reality. 

Sometimes when I know I am going to be with Mama for four or five days in a row, I find myself rushing time. I find myself checking off the hours, as if I am making X’s on a daily calendar. 

No matter what my circumstances are, there are no excuses to rush time. We must not forget Thoreau’s famous quote “As if you could kill time without injuring eternity.’ I never want to kill time. I also do not want to simply fill time. It is irresponsible. I want to be held culpable for such lack of accountability. 

Shifting into that maxim has produced a slow motion kind of mindset. I find myself literally slowing my actions and reactions. I have retained a visual of slow motion in my thoughts and words. 

My sister and I have talked about God “bending time”, which of course, He is capable of doing –  He is God. I believe if I desire it, God can bend my time with Mama.

Today felt more peaceful. Peaceful does not mean lack of difficulty, it just means more peaceful. 

If I can hold her hand on this treacherously rocky path, we will both be better for it. 

Cuatro de Mayo

We ate perfect shredded beef burritos and corn and black bean salsa. We ate stuffed bell peppers and guac and queso. We devoured scoops of taco salad and drank margaritas. And we finished with sopapilla cheesecake squares. 

It was delicious and delightful. 

We also laughed till we cried and then cried until we laughed again. Difficult words and admissions and honesty and healing. 

Cinco de Mayo is an annual celebration to commemorate the Mexican Army’s difficult victory over the French Empire at the Battle of Puebla on May 5, 1862, under the leadership of General Ignacio Zaragoza. 

We celebrated on cuatro de Mayo and commemorated our continued victories over the difficulties of this life. We are better together. And we will continue the fight. We are an army that will not be defeated. 

Invicto! 

The (sometimes) mad Hatter

I am not a fan of the novel, Alice in Wonderland. I have to confess that I have never read it in its entirety. There has never been a draw.

Alice in Wonderland was written in 1865 by English author Charles Lutwidge Dodgson under the pseudonym Lewis Carroll. It tells of a girl named Alice falling though a rabbit hole into a fantasy world populated by peculiar creatures. It is considered to be one of the best examples of literary nonsense genre. 

The Hatter is a fictional character who appears in the first novel, as well as its sequel, Through the Looking Glass. The Hatter is often referred to as the Mad Hatter, though, this term was never used by Carroll. The phrase “mad as a hatter” pre-dates Carroll’s work. 

The Hatter has many non-sensical quotes. However, there is one that is worth the read. It is this:

“When you can’t look on the bright side, I will sit with you in the dark.”

I thought of this quote when I was with my mama over the weekend. There are moments that she does not like my (usually, not always) sunny attitude. I try to be positive with her. I tell her she looks beautiful when she smiles (a REAL smile, that is). I tell her she is blessed that she sees her children every week. I tell her the Lord has been faithful to her, in spite of her life not turning out exactly the way she may have hoped. 

Even when Mama was more mentally healthy, she used to tell me I was naive. Perhaps. 

I understand that it can be annoying to feel blue and low and be around someone who is bubbly and seemingly unaware of the reality, or at least the reality of what the blue person is feeling.

When Mama, or for that matter, anyone I care about, can’t look on the bright side, I will sit with them in the dark. 

I, too, am acquainted with the dark. Thankfully, I am also acquainted with dear ones who “sit” with me in the dark. You know who you are.

The Hatter knew about the bright side and he knew about the dark. I believe Alice learned those sides, as well. 

When you fall through a rabbit hole, very few things are neutral. 

Checkers with Mama

Monday night with Mama. Checkers in front of the fire. It is gray and rainy and windy; blustery, as Winnie the Pooh would say. A fire is always a good idea if it is raining and below 60 degrees.

Mama and I used to play checkers quite often. We hadn’t played for a couple of months so I thought it was time. What a difference that time has made. 

The last time we played, there was continual reminding that she was the pretty red checkers and she could move only those. She got it. And obviously, the game came back to her because she whupped me pretty good, even doing double-jumps that I honestly did not see.

Tonight it was different. Tonight she could not remember the rules. I told her them every time it was her turn. She got very confused. However, she did somehow end up with a checker on my side, front row, which of course, means getting “kinged”. That must have stuck somewhere in her head because she looked at me and said: “Don’t I get a crown?” I laughed. “You sure do”, I said. 

The game was going on for more than an hour and half so I eventually manipulated the board until she could jump doubles over me, at will. She smiled when I told her she whupped me again. 

Everything with Mama takes a long time. Making dinner with her is an undertaking. She needs to be told many times to put the vegetables into the pan, add a little salt and pepper, then stir till they are warm. The simplest tasks take large chunks of time.

Singing songs from the hymnbook takes time because she can’t remember which ones we already sang. So, we sing them all again. 

Getting ready for bed takes time because she does not understand which clothes go where. 

I took time with my three precious boys when they were young, to teach them about kitchen things; washing and drying dishes, sweeping the floor. 

Getting ready to go anywhere took time to get them dressed; finding the right socks, the right shoes.

We played the same games over and over. We read the same books again and again. It was a joy and it was a privilege. 

That is how they learned. That is what grew them. Time and patience and love.

And now I am teaching Mama that there are still things she is able to do. As usual, the teacher learns. Every time I am with her I learn something new about myself. 

It is a beautiful merry-go-round. 

Butter the Biscuit, not the Burn

Today I made Saturday morning pancakes. Yum. They are fluffy and crispy with real butter slathered over them, topped with warm maple syrup. Occasionally I put blueberries in the batter or pecan chips, or both. But today, was plain ol’ wonderful pancakes.

I was getting a bit fancy with the flipping, and one pancake got caught on the edge. I quickly scooted it back over and managed to burn my thumb on the lip of the skillet. Ouch! I’ve always heard that the kitchen is the most dangerous place in the house ~ burns, cuts, slips on wet floors, small fires, er….I mean, that’s what I’ve heard.

As soon as I burned my thumb, I went to the sink to run it under cold water. I immediately thought about cooking with my mama when I was young. I enjoyed that and have good memories. When a burn occurred in those days, we were instructed to put butter on it. I did that on several occasions.

Butter on a burn could have come from two schools of thought. One, cold butter from the refrigerator may have been assumed to be good for the skin. Two, it is believed that people thought butter would be a good moisturizer to perhaps prevent the skin from blistering.

I found out that butter is good at removing tar from burns when the tar has stuck to the skin. Years ago, this was one way that workmen would get burning tar off of their skin. It’s likely it was therefore assumed butter is useful in all burns. Now, specifically designed creams are used for removing burning tar.

According to the Dermatology Clinic at UAMS, it is very important to immediately cool the skin after receiving a burn. This helps stop the damage from the burning process. Putting butter or other greasy ointments on a burn may actually make things worse, since the grease will slow the release of heat from the skin. It can actually cause more damage from the retained heat.

I believe there is an analogy in there somewhere!

When we are hurt or ‘burned’ by someone, we should simply let it go; rinse it in cold water. Applying butter or greasy ointments of anger and revenge will only hold in the heat and delay our healing.

Let cool, clean water quell your burns, douse your lips and quench your sizzling thirst. It is always, always, always the better choice.

Leave the butter for the biscuits.

 

Peace in Decision-Making

In 2001 I visited Shaker Village at Pleasant Hill in Harrodsburg, Kentucky. This was the location of my annual cousins retreat that year.

Shaker Hill is a lovely 3,000 acre working village. It is home to the third largest Shaker community in the United States between1805 and 1910.

Though the Kentucky Shakers were poor when they started out, they were skilled farmers who made the most of their property. Even the most skeptical observed that they prospered quickly, in part because of the high quality of their products.

The Pleasant Hill community was known for its excellent livestock. They bred imported cows to improve their herd’s milk production. They practiced selective breeding and scientific agriculture well before the average farmer did. They also raised Saxony sheep for the wool, which the Shaker sisters spun into fine cloth for home use.

The Shaker raised broom corn and made flat brooms so good that that they sold for more than “ordinary” brooms. They also raised fruit and sold it dried or as preserve. Yum.

An evening of dining at Shaker Village is a verifiable celebration of Shaker Village’s roots by featuring dishes made of seasonal ingredients from their garden and local farmers. Again, yum.

On my visit there I picked up a book entitled When True Simplicity is Gained by Martin and Micah Marty. Someones likes alliteration.

A few days ago I was looking through a box and ran across the book. I sat on the floor and glanced through it. An hour and half later, I looked up to check the clock. Stiff and a bit aggravated that I had spent time reading instead of working, I got up and put the book on my desk.

However, much of what I read has stayed with me and I will share bits and pieces of it that are relatable to most likely…well, everyone. No hyperbole there.

My first posting from the book is about peace in our decisions. For me, that is a subject that instantly pricks my ears. I often struggle with decision-making.

“Not to decide, we know, is to decide. Even whether to make a choice demands choice. Serious people learn to gain perspective on the choices they must make from the experience and knowledge they possess.”

“The voice of true simplicity prompts us to discern the foolishness of looking out only for ourselves and thus overlooking both the common good and our own human limits”

False choices come from self-interest, cowardice and lack of faith in a higher power.

I was 43 years old when I bought the book. I must be a slow learner.

But bam! Perhaps you can teach an old dog new tricks.

 

Serious Sunday

Today the pastor was making reference to another pastor on staff who had endured a fractured wrist during a motorcycle accident. The accident occurred when this pastor was riding and tried to avoid hitting a squirrel. Admirable.

The pastor was poking fun at him a bit, calling him a “novice” and saying it was a “rookie mistake.” He stated that seasoned riders know how to avoid the majority of accidents. An important lesson that is taught in “motorcycle riding school” is this: Do not focus on what is straight ahead of you. Huh?

The safe way to ride is to look to the place you WANT to go. Aha.

He said that many motorcycle accidents happen when the rider is so focused on the guardrail as he turns a bend, that he actually hits it because he is not looking past the guardrail.

That idea immediately took me back to when I was learning to drive. I was out one evening with my dad. I was moving along slowly and he noticed my gaze was down toward the front of the car. He asked what I was looking at. I told him I was watching the yellow lines on the road so I would be sure to not get too close to them. He quickly informed me that I need to look straight ahead and not focus on the lines. It was nearly verbatim to what the pastor said this morning. My dad’s words were: “You have to look ahead of you. You have to look where you are going, not where you are at the moment.”

It’s funny how hearing something 44 years later makes so much sense.

How often we see the bumps in the road, the distractions, and focus so anxiously on them that we cannot look ahead. We forget to keep our eyes on where we want to go.

I want to see the big picture. I want to notice the bumps and be aware of them, but keep my gaze always on the horizon.

Thanks Dad.